One upside of being a perennial early adopter is that I’m frequently the first Joshua Newman to sign up for some new site or app. So, along with this domain, I also own @joshuanewman on Twitter, and @joshuanewman on Instagram, etc., etc.

Similarly, in what’s perhaps the most mixed of all such blessings, I also own joshuanewman@gmail.com. Which means that, quite frequently, I get emails intended for some other Josh Newman. Recently, I’ve been getting mortgage documents for a Joshua who’s buying a lovely-looking beach house in Australia, and concerned messages from another Joshua’s son’s math teacher about declining trigonometry test scores. And, each time, I write back politely to the sender saying that I’m probably not the Josh Newman they’re looking for, but wishing them, and the other Josh, the best of luck. Always happy to help the brotherhood of Joshua Newmans!

Or, at least, I was until today, when I received a Domino’s order confirmation meant for a Joshua Newman in Alverstoke, England. That Joshua had ordered a large Tuna Delight. Which, in turn, sent me Googling. And, much as the name implies, it turns out that the Tuna Delight is, indeed, a tuna fish pizza. One that, even more inexplicably, also includes sweet corn:

To which I say: no.

British Josh Newman, stop that shit; you’re dragging us all down.