Yesterday, I headed over to Paragon Sports, New York’s finest sporting goods store, to buy a new rock climbing harness. Which, in my mind, was money very well spent. Sure, in lots of sports, ailing equipment can limit the quality of your game – a dented bat, for example, can drop yards and yards from your best home run swing. But in climbing, as in very few other sports, equipment reaching the end of its life can rather quickly have you reaching the end of your own. Not relishing the idea of plummeting to my death, making sure my safety equipment is in prime form always strikes me as well worth the time and money.

Hence heading to Paragon to buy a new harness. Based on how and where I climb, with the help of the salesman I narrowed my choices down to two main contenders: the Petzl Calidris and the Black Diamond Focus. As both would cover the full range of situations where I hope to use the harness, the decision was mainly one of comfort. How would they feel after a day of wear? I strapped on both pairs in turns over my jeans trying to judge, but the fit of a harness when walking around is vastly different from the fit of that same harness after it stops a fifteen foot fall. The wedgie (or worse, ‘melvin’) potential is hard to explain to those who’ve never felt the effects of a bad harness first hand. In my case, let’s just say that a borrowed harness once left me hoping I’d still be able to have kids.

So, wanting to avoid purchasing such a harness myself, I asked the salesman if there was anywhere I could actually test out the fit by hanging. Indeed, it turned out, there was a rope attached to the store’s ceiling for just such a purpose, though, oddly, it was nowhere near the climbing department, nor even near hiking and mountaineering in general, but rather hidden in a distant section full of backpacks and book bags.

Clearly, few people had actually used this test rope, and for good reason, as it ended about six feet above the ground, making clipping on the crotch-level harness a rather onerous task. I had to climb the rope, arm over arm, then hold myself up with one hand while clipping in with the other. Unattaching to switch harnesses required the same process made even more difficult in reverse, and going back and forth several times between the two certainly provided my workout for the day. Waking up this morning, my back and biceps were sore to the point of painful.

Still, the effort was well worth it, as, when hanging in them, the Petzl turned out to be vastly more comfortable than the Black Diamond, making the choice easy. Plus, as an added bonus, it’s hard to overestimate the joy of swinging, Tarzan-like, over the heads of shocked and unsuspecting little kids shopping for backpacks.