In the countdown to my close friend Bobby’s Sunday wedding, we this evening head out for his one last hurrah before the leash tightens. I cannot disclose the details of the planned events, bound as I am by the Bachelor Party Oath:

I (state your name) do solemnly swear that as a gentleman of the world I will respect and honor my brothers. I will not reveal the secrets of the evening. In taking this oath I understand that violating it will result in punishment that could include castration by way of a dirty, dull, knife. If asked about the happenings of the evening I shall reply:

“We ate pizza and watched porno movies. The groom got really drunk. His grandfather was there”

Still, I can say that I’m preemptively steeling my liver and throwing decency to the wind. Should be an interesting night.