Yesterday evening, in an attempt to stay on the cutting edge of New York dining trends, I headed to Quintessence, one of the handful of “raw food” restaurants popping up around the city. Though I was fascinated by the CitySearch review, which proclaimed it “a menu with a mission–to lift you up and clean you out,” I apparently mistook for praise what the reviewer likely meant as cryptic yet rather dire warning. Therefore, allow me to translate by appending this advice:

If you’ve booked a reservation, consider also clearing frequent bathroom breaks in your schedule for the following day; the laxative punch packed by the super-fiberized dishes cannot possibly be overestimated.