ongoing education

During the first two month stretch of my beard experiment, I have learned:

1. If I don’t condition regularly, my beard gets split ends.

2. While setting five on a Remington Precision MB-30 Beard Trimmer says “I have a mysterious, indie rock edge,” setting six says “I have spent the last five years living in the mountains, eating small animals hunted with a crudely fashioned wooden spear” and setting four says “like, zoinks, Scoob!” Apparently the desired space between looking shagging and looking like Shaggy is remarkably small.

3. Men with beards are perceived as stronger, more masculine, dominant, competent and composed, and more socially and physically attractive then men without facial hair. (See Reed, J.A. and Blunk, E.M. (1990) The influence of facial hair on impression formation. Social Behavior and Personality. 18 : 169-175; and Addison, W.E. (1989) Beardedness as a factor in perceived masculinity. Perceptual and Motor Skills. 68: 921-922.)

3. If you’re negotiating a business deal, and the other party’s point catches you way off guard, so long as you stroke your beard pensively during the ensuing protracted silence, you look sage and thoughtful rather than moronic and wholly unprepared.

4. With a beard, I no longer get carded at bars. (Extensive field research continues on this front.)

5. Finally, nearly everyone I’ve spoken with (and even those I’ve heard whispering behind my back) have given the bearded look positive reviews. I’ve therefore decided to stick with it for a bit longer. If for no other reason than I kind of want to shave it in September for the resulting few weeks of inverted beard tan.

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June 4, 2003

it’s worse than you thought

It seems I may have to preemptively curtail my Friendster booty-blogging, as a very major publication (one that really should know better) has asked that I turn such pending exploits into a print feature. If I play my cards right, I just might be able to permanently destroy the entirety of my future love life,

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i miss all the good stuff

Escapades apparently occurring in my bed during the last few months (all during weeks when I was thousands of miles away from that bed):

  • roommate one & his girlfriend
  • roommate two & an exceedingly ugly girl
  • roommate two & a much more attractive girl
  • a girl I once hooked up with & some random other girl

Consequently, I’m buying new sheets.

The purchased set (courtesy of overstock.com: 310 thread-count cotton in subtle olive/khaki stripe pattern) should arrive by the end of the week, well in time to lend an ideal mise-en-sc

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love triangle

Was brought in as a ringer to play first trumpet for the New York Lawyers’ Orchestra last night. The second half of the program consisted of Berlioz’s wonderful Symphony Fantastique, appropriately enough a piece about love unrequited, considering I spent most of the post-concert reception unsuccessfully trying to find my way over to a 24-year old blonde violinist while concurrently dodging the advances of a 42-year old brunette woodwind player. Who says classical music is dull?

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small addition

As you may have noticed, I’ve added a side-blog to the site – it’s the section of the right column headlined ‘salmagundi’. (For the record, the word means, [according to Washington Irving,] “a mixture of various ingredients; an olio or medley; a potpourri; a miscellany.”)

Basically, I’ll be using the side-blog to link pages, articles, sites and pictures I find amusing, but don’t feel warrant my usual verbosity. Knock yourselves out.

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