Inevitably, about once a month, the mother of any young single guy living in New York asks that her son, as a favor to someone the son doesn’t even really know, meet the unknown person’s daughter for drinks because the girl is moving to New York and doesn’t know anyone there and not that you would end up dating her necessarily but maybe somebody you knew might be interested…

Based upon such ongoing tradition, my friend and colleague Yoav has invented an immensely exciting new game which I will herewith christen “offensive stereotypes and libelous assumptions.”

The basics:

1. Each player puts ten bucks into the pot.

2. All players are seeded with the same basic information about the girl. In the case of the current game:

______ is a mid-twenties Jewish girl living in Chicago. She studied econ at UMIch and currently works in hospital administration. Her mother is heavily involved with Holocaust education.”

3. Based upon this short bio, the players come up collectively with a list of thirty or fourty relevant questions about the girl, then each separately (and based upon their keen instincts and deductive intellects) try to estimate an accurate as possible answer to each question. In this case, questions include (along with, for illustrative purposes, Yoav’s educated estimates):

• Height? 5’3″
• Eye Color? Brown
• Facial Features? Pale, big nose
• Body Type? Zaftig
• Favorite Music? Coldplay, John Mayer
• Sorority? Yes
• Style? Failed overly conservative attempt at NYC hipster
• Corrective Vision? Contacts
• Designer Labels? Yes, but doesn’t flaunt them
• Sports? Soccer until fifth grade
• Degree of Jappiness? 6.5
• On Jdate? Yes, but without a picture
• Tiffanys? Plenty
• Pointy shoes? Not since last year
• Bat Mitzva theme? Luau
• Cool? Edgy? Nope. Nope.
• Plans for future? Nonprofit work “or something artistic”
• etc., etc.

4. When the girl arrives in New York, take her out for drinks, get her absolutely plastered, and have her answer each of the questions herself.

5. Score one point for the player with closest answer on each question.

6. Winner takes all.

7. Losers face eternity of damnation and hellfire for having been wildly amused by this sort of thing, and for being heartless bastards in general. Actually, winner does too.