All Your Women are Belong to Me
I have, since its inception, heartily resisted joining MySpace, in large part because I liked it better back in 1997, when it was still called GeoCities.
Still, there’s something vaguely impressive about MySpace’s neo-Luddite approach, its bravery in re-championing the blink tag and eye-searingly fluorescent background art that completely obscures actual text.
Recently, an increasing number of filmmakers have been asking if and how MySpace fits into Cyan’s movie marketing plans. So, thinking there might be use in having a presence on the site myself, a few days back, I took the plunge and joined.
Initially, I intended to copy my profile directly from Friendster. But, as it was late at night, it seemed far funnier to forego any charm, and simply paint myself as the sort of misanthrope that, honestly, I usually am.
For my ‘about me’ section, I put up this:
I’m an obnoxious asshole. I like to play the push-your-buttons game, I derive joy from being difficult, and I like laughing at the expense of stupid people.
Sometimes, people assume that, below the selfish jerk shell, I’m really a good guy. But, in fact, I’m like an asshole onion: peel away the outer layer and all you have is more asshole.
Then, for ‘who I’d like to meet’:
Anyone who thinks they can hold my interest and keep up with my smartass attitude.
My standards are high. In fact, I probably won’t even email you back unless you say something wildly entertaining or intriguing. Yes, that includes you.
All of which, I figured, would put a pre-emptive kibosh on any MySpace socializing.
It seems, instead, that the profile is just obnoxious enough to trigger women’s love of challenge, their desire to find guys as diamonds in the rough that they alone can hone into something more broadly recognized as precious gem.
In the past few days, I’ve received more than a handful of emails from women – and, disproportionately so, from rather attractive ones – basically trying to figure out if I’m actually that obnoxious in real life.
So, lest any such women back-research their way to this site, wondering whether my attitude is simply some recent invention, I point to a post from almost precisely a year back, which I will here reprint in its entirety.
FAQ Filed April 14, 2005 in Disclosures.
In response to the emailed question I most frequently receive:
Q. Are you really this much of a pretentious asshole in real life?
A. Pretty much.
At least I’m consistent.