Sundance, Day 1

11:30pm
Though, in standard anal-retentive style, I’ve packed days ago most of what I’ll need in Park City, I spend a last hour wedging a few remaining items into my large duffel, pressing blazers and ski boots and paperwork and socks down hard to zip the bag tightly closed, before falling asleep.

2:36am
My cell phone rings, waking me; it’s Napster founder Sean Parker, who’s heading to a Rolling Stones after-party with Canadian record label CEO Matt Drouin. I consider briefly going out to meet them, partying straight through the night and sleeping on the plane, but common sense prevails. Ten days at Sundance will be more than tiring enough without coming in already a full night’s sleep in debt.

7:00am
Up again, shower and dress, then grab a taxi to the Upper East Side, to pick up colleague Scott Bromley and head off to La Guardia. Our flight boards painfully slowly, as a seventeen-person Iranian extended family has pre-boarded, with very little command of English, and even less understanding of air travel. They’re in the wrong seats, they’re piling bags on their laps and in the aisles rather than in the overhead bins. And as we taxi out towards takeoff, they keep standing up and wandering around. Each time one does, the plane grinds to a halt, and the captain comes on the loudspeaker, like an irritated father pulling his minivan to the side of the road and threatening to turn it back around until his kids in the back seat knock it off.

The captain actually does threaten to turn around the plane, as if we keep stopping, we’ll lose our place in line yet again, and have to head back to the gate to refuel. While these English threats mean little, the ‘just you try and mess with me’ expression of the heavy-set, matronly Black flight attendant is apparently international enough to work.

1:05pm
We arrive in Atlanta, twenty-five minutes into a short forty-five minute connection. Muscling our way through the Iranians and out onto the concourse, we discover that we’re in Terminal A, while our flight to Salt Lake City leaves from Terminal E, at precisely the opposite end of the airport. We sprint, monorail impatiently, then sprint again, arriving just in time to find out our flight’s been delayed. At least, now, our baggage is likely to make it, too.

2:00pm
As we board, it becomes immensely clear, just by looking around, that every single person on the plane is bound for Sundance. Scott looks back at me as we walk past row after row of Williamsburgers, and says with a wry smile, “I think this might be the coolest flight in all of America.”

2:15pm
The man I’m seated next to smells strongly of clam chowder. Across the aisle, however, I’m surprised to find several execs from Belladonna, the producers of Transamerica and L.I.E., in whose offices I’ve spent countless afternoons. “Fancy meeting you here,” one of them says.

Further up, I see the father of my college roommate James Ponsoldt, who has a film he wrote and directed, Off the Black premiering at the festival this weekend.

The world of film, it seems, is dangerously small.

2:30pm
We take off without incident, and a flight attendant comes over the loudspeaker to announce our in-flight movie is Just Like Heaven. Sarcastic cries of “sweet!” and “nice!’ go up around the plane. One of the Belladonna producers shakes his head; “I think they picked the wrong flight for that film.”

5:00pm
Retrieving my bag from the carousel, I manage to slice my right ring finger on a suitcase buckle; by the time we hit the cab, my hand is coated in blood.

6:15pm
We pull into the driveway of our condo in Park City, and pause to let the cab driver pray towards Mecca. Then, dropping off our bags, Scott and I head out to meet Rob, Nate, and an array of non-Cyan entourage for drinks and dinner at Cafe Terigo. Stopping at the neighboring liquor store, we stock up before heading back to the condo, to drink the night away, put up a revised version of Cyan’s site, lay out strategy for the next ten days, and post this blog entry.

It’s going to be a long trip.

Tore Up

Last night, following a business dinner on the Lower East Side, I headed a few blocks down to ‘inoteca, to eat a second dinner with a college ex-girlfriend.

Following which, she and I headed to Arlene’s Grocery, to catch a live performance by a band inexplicably doing it’s damndest to become Blink 182.

As I was wearing a blazer and button down, and looking more than a bit out of place in the Arlene’s crowd, I stripped down to my undershirt to watch the set.

By 2:00am, Arlene’s was closing, and I stood by the bar, buttoning back on my dress shirt while waiting for my credit card to process.

As I did, one female bartender turned to the other and said, “you know, when he’s not wearing that shirt, you can see he has nice arms.”

“Really?” replied the second. And she reached over the bar with both hands, grabbed my shirt, and pulled.

Buttons flew everywhere – all but the very last having been ripped clean off. And as I stood there, looking at the bartender in shock, she gestured for me to remove the shirt.

Which, actually, I did. But, at least, I didn’t leave her a tip. Just a note saying: “saving up money to buy a whole shirt’s worth of new buttons.”

[Bemusedly Shaking Head]

Why, in short, I’m not a member of the Yale Club of New York:

ìBlazers & Blingî All-Ivy Dance at The Yale Club

Friday, February 24, 9:00 pm – 1:00 am

The Yale Club turns into a nightclub for an evening of preppy fabulous fun. Roll up in your Benz to the Tap Room where young members from the Ivy League circuit will be chillin. Once (and if!) you get past the velvet ropes, the DJ will be spinning four hours of hot tracks to get your freak on. Early birds are in for a treat since PatrÛn Tequila is sponsoring a complimentary open bar until 10:00 pm. Starting with the PatrÛn Spirits Company will make your night ìSimply Perfect.î Beer, wine, and soda are included throughout the night along with other discount drink specials. If you dare, don your Prada sunglasses in the roped-off VIP area, where bottle service will be available for big spenders. Complimentary hors díoeuvres including cheese and chocolate fondue are included. The cost is $30 in advance or $40 at the door, cash only, at the bouncerís discretion, open only to Ivy Club members and their guests (Club I.D. required). Bring five of your friends and you come free. The dress code is ìpreppy fabulous,î so wear your best blazer, status denim, and iced out jewels to rock Club YC. Dressed to the 9ís in your finest Louis Vuitton or Lilly Pulitzer, be prepared to dance the night away on Vandy Avenue. Word up, you Ivy playasÖ

Sadly, I’m not making that up.

Back Together Again

Since I first noted the slow disintegration of my cherished possessions, household entropy has continued at a distressing pace, spreading to, apparently, pretty much everything I own.

By now, the list of items that have broken at some point in the last two-and-a-half months includes:

1. Overhead kitchen light
2. Shure E4c headphones
3. External computer monitor
4. Desk keyboard drawer
5. Dishwasher
6. Plasma television
7. Treo 600
8. Cordless land-line phone
9. Folding music stand
10. Bathtub drain

And though my first attempts at home repair ended rather poorly, today, I think, I finally stemmed the tide. Armed with a slew of hardware store odds and ends, I managed to piece my desk back together, and to clear out my bathtub drain, albeit not without shedding large amounts of sawdust snd chemical-infused water throughout much of my apartment.

With my landlord stopping by tomorrow to fix a few of the remaining items, and with exceedingly kind gifts and hand-me-downs on their way from my parents, friends, and relatives, I should, shortly, be back to square one.

In other words: I’m ready to let the next round of falling apart begin.

Dirty Booty Tricks: The High Bridge

[As I tend to write more regularly if I have a theme to blog around, I’m today setting out to help those looking to get an early jump on spring romance, with a series applying cheap psychological tricks to the world of sex and dating. Tactless, perhaps. But, as they say, all’s fair in love and war.]

I’ve been nervous all afternoon. And, after several hours of trying to figure out why, I finally pinpointed the cause: after several weeks off of morning coffee, today I downed two double espressos before noon.

Which makes sense in the context of work by 19th-century researchers William James and Carl Lange. The pair turned emotion theory on its head by suggesting that feelings are largely determined by attribution. Common sense dictates the opposite: feel nervous, and your heart pounds, your mouth goes dry. But James and Lange insisted things work the other way around: we get the palpitations and dry mouth first, then sub-consciously determine nervousness is the emotion that fits.

Over the years, a slew of psychologists have elegantly proved the theory, but my personal favorite – and the one most applicable to our lecherous cause – is Aron & Dutton’s classic High Bridge Study.

In it, an attractive female researcher asked male passersby to fill out a brief research survey about a nearby long, narrow footbridge spanning a deep ravine.

The survey, in fact, was meaningless. But the researcher also gave each male subject her phone number, in case they wanted to ‘follow up with any questions about the survey’. Half of the men got the survey (and phone number) just before the bridge, the other half just on the far side. And the real dependent variable was how many of the men actually called the researcher to ask her out.

The conclusion: about 15% of the pre-bridge interviewees called, while about 50% of the post-bridgers did. In other words, 35% of the men confused enough of their bridge-driven adrenaline with genuine attraction to tactlessly dial the dame.

Which, in short, explains the perennial effectiveness of the ordinarily disdained ‘gym pickup’, where potential dates are likely to confuse post-treadmill windedness with your having taken their breath away.

Of course, even having booked the date in less heart-pounding settings, you can still sneakily help your cause. Taxi rather than subway, as the requisite reckless speeding is sure to have her adrenaline pumping. And head to the scariest movie you can find, where your date won’t be sure herself if she’s grabbing your arm because an axe murderer just popped out from around the corner, or because, well, you’re hot enough to die for.

Up next time: for the love of a giant paper bag.

Where’s the Advil?

As in most years of recent memory, I awoke this first morning of 2006 convinced that I could have saved a lot of time on New Year’s Eve by not going out, but rather slamming myself a few times in the head with a hammer.

Either way, I’d have felt about the same this morning. The year’s off to a good start.